In Search of Doc's Brain
by El Kaye
Summary: When Doc's brain is stolen by a mysterious girl, the Kids from C.A.P.E.R. must find out what, and who, is behind the crime, as well as working in time to babysit the now childlike Doc!
1. Act One

The secret word is: "Brain"

Of all the mysteries in this world, the most vexing and perplexing has to be that which shrouds the enigmatic and intricate workings of the human mind. The subject of grey matter is a grey area when it comes to science . . . no one has truly comprehended all of the complexities of the cerebral cortex. But this was the furthest thing from my mind as I rode along the street on this fateful Friday morning.

It was a clear, cool day, and I was enjoying the pleasant weather as I approached the 927th Precinct on my Convert-a-Bike. While it does include a motor, this morning I felt like starting the day with some exercise and chose to pedal. Plus with the gas crises of recent years I always tried to conserve fuel whenever possible.

As I coasted the last few feet, I swung my leg over the seat to stand on the left pedal then jumped off as the bike came to a stop. Bugs was approaching the station at that moment and waited as I pulled up.

"Hey, P.T.," Bugs greeted.

"Morning, Bugs," I replied. "I guess Doomsday's not here yet?"

"He probably got sidetracked by all the donut shops between his house and the station," Bugs pointed out.

I glanced at my watch and sighed, "That's a lot. He could be a while."

"No, wait, here he comes now," Bugs pointed out.

Sure enough, the Big Bologna turned the corner and pulled up to the curb in front of the station. I wheeled the bike to the front of the vehicle as Doomsday stepped out. He was carrying a pink cardboard box.

"Hi, guys!" Doomsday greeted us. "Been waiting long?"

"No, we just got here," I answered.

"That's good," Doomsday said. "I was worried I'd be late. Those donut shops are hard to resist!"

"We'll have to work out a donut shop-free route for you one of these days," I suggested.

"Oh here, let me help you with that," Bugs offered, and he stepped to the front of the Big Bologna to help me lift the bike onto the rack. "You will save me a chocolate cake with sprinkles, right Doomsday?"

"Sure thing, Bugs," Doomsday promised as he pulled a glazed twist from the box and started eating it.

As Bugs and I worked to secure the bike to the front of the Big Bologna, a red Chevy Vega pulled up to the curb and parked. Doomsday watched as a young, dark-haired girl climbed out of the car and looked up at the station questioningly.

"Donut?" Doomsday offered her.

"Huh? Oh, no thank you," she replied.

"Are you looking for the police?" Doomsday asked.

"Not exactly," the girl answered. "Although I am looking for the station."

"This is it," Doomsday pointed behind him. "Are you sure you don't want a donut? Because they'll disappear once I take them inside."

"You work here?" the girl asked.

Doomsday nodded.

"So it's true what they say?" the girl smiled.

Doomsday looked confused.

"About policemen and donuts," the girl offered as an explanation.

"What do they say?" Doomsday asked with wide eyes. "And who are _they?"_

"It's totally true," Bugs chimed in, joining the conversation as he reached into the box to retrieve his chocolate donut. "As soon as they see the pink box, they'll put out an APB for anything with sprinkles. That's why I'm getting mine _now!"_

"I'm looking for somebody named Doc," the girl explained. "The people at the library said I might find him here."

"If he isn't at the library, chances are he's here," I assured her.

"So you know this Doc then?" she asked.

"He's part of our team," I confirmed.

The girl looked surprised. "Really? He's not too old?"

"Well, he doesn't mind hanging out with us 'kids' too much," I joked.

"And he's really smart?" she asked. "I mean, I was told he's the smartest man in town!"

"That's Doc," Bugs nodded. "He's so smart, I don't understand what he's saying half the time!"

The girl looked skeptical. "Are you sure that's not senility?"

Bugs looked offended and insisted sharply, "I'm not senile!"

"Not unless senile is another word for really strong," Doomsday added.

"Why don't you come with us and we'll introduce you?" I suggested.

"Thank you," she smiled, then said, "Just a moment." She opened her car's hatchback and pulled out a large case with a handle on it. Bugs hurried over to take the case from her and she motioned that it was okay, that she could manage on her own.

"I'm doing an experiment in measuring brain waves," she explained as she followed us into the station. "That's why I was looking for the smartest man in town."

"Oh, well that sounds like something Doc would find interesting," I said, opening the door to the C.A.P.E.R. room for her. Behind us I could see officers swarming into the front room from all directions, making a beeline for Doomsday, who stood patiently and let them flock around him grabbing donuts as calmly as if he were feeding pigeons in the park.

After a moment I realized she hadn't entered the room. She was giving me an impatient look which I didn't understand at first.

Finally she said sharply, "I can get the door myself."

"Oh, but see, I would be holding it open for Bugs if he were carrying the case for you," I explained. "I'm an equal opportunity door holder."

She seemed to accept this explanation and entered the room.

Doc was sitting on the corner of the desk, reading a book. He smiled when he saw us enter with the girl.

"Here he is," I announced, motioning to Doc. "Doc, this is . . . that's right, we don't know your name yet."

The girl stood, looking stunned. She pointed at Doc and stammered, "You mean . . . ?"

"Umeen," I repeated. "Umeen, this is Doc."

"Minerva," the girl corrected me.

"Umeen Minerva?" Bugs asked, confused.

"No, I mean _just_ Minerva," she said.

"Imeen Just Minerva?" Doomsday asked, entering with the empty and rather worse-for-wear-looking pink box. "That's an interesting name!"

"Can we call you 'Just' for short?" I asked.

"Call me Minerva," the girl insisted, setting her case on the desk. She then asked incredulously, _"This _is Doc?"

We all nodded.

"But you said he was older!" Minerva pointed out.

"Well, he _is_ almost twenty!" I noted.

"I was expecting someone along the lines of a septuagenarian," Minerva explained.

"Oh, sorry, but he _is_ a Libra," Doomsday offered.

Doc stood up and offered his hand in greeting. "Minerva," he smiled, "The Roman goddess of wisdom, warriors and weaving."

"I don't know if I like the weaving part," Minerva protested, then just before she took Doc's hand she looked startled. "What's that sound?"

"Does it sound like church bells?" Bugs ventured.

"Yes, it does," Minerva replied. She finally took Doc's hand to shake and looked even more startled.

"Don't tell us," I said. "Now you're hearing what sounds like a thousand violins."

"Why . . . yes," Minerva gasped.

As Doc stared at her she became even more unnerved.

"And now you hear thundering hoofbeats," Doomsday stated.

"I don't understand," Minerva said, pulling her hand free from Doc's. "I've never . . . " She shook her head and became very serious. "I'm conducting research on the recording of brain waves. I was wondering if you would be interested in taking part in my study."

"Are you asking him does he _mind?" _Bugs asked.

"I don't _think_ he would!" I added.

"It will give him some food for _thought," _Doomsday noted.

"Leave it to Doomsday to come up with something about food," Bugs cracked.

"It sounds intellectually stimulating," Doc said. "I'd be happy to participate in your study in any way I can."

"That's wonderful," Minerva said happily as she opened the case on the desk to reveal some kind of machine with wires and buttons. "Just give me a minute to get ready."

"After all, it is our duty to aid and assist the public any way we can," I added. "It's part of the C.A.P.E.R. code."

"C.A.P.E.R.?" Minerva asked.

We all stood at attention and recited, "The Civilian Authority for the Protection of Everybody, Regardless."

"Tadaa!" sang Doc.

"Tadaa!" sang Doomsday.

"Tadaa!" sang Bugs.

"Tadaa!" I concluded, adding a few bars of the Jeopardy think music for good measure.

"Hmmm . . . okay," Minerva said, eyeing us strangely.

"What would you like me to do?" Doc asked Minerva.

Minerva looked around. "Why don't you have a seat on the bench?"

Doc walked to the bench and sat down. Minerva carried the case over and set it down next to Doc. Doomsday, Bugs and I stood beside the desk and watched with interest as she worked to affix two electrodes to Doc's temples. The electrodes were attached to long wires which led to the machine.

"Are you going to zap Doc's brain with that machine?" Doomsday asked worriedly.

"No, I'm just going to take some measurements of his brain waves," Minerva explained.

"Can I get you a ruler?" Doomsday asked.

"That won't be necessary," Minerva assured him. "Thanks."

"You know, I remember this movie where these Martians came down and kidnaped people and then stuck a needle in the back of their necks to take over their minds!" Doomsday said dramatically.

"I saw that movie, too!" Bugs chimed in. "Yeah, they sucked people down into this big sand pit and then turned them into their zombie slaves, sending them out amongst an unsuspecting society to wreak havoc!"

"You guys have got to stop watching those late night horror films," I sighed.

"It would actually be helpful if Doc didn't have any distractions during the test," Minerva hinted impatiently.

"Oh, that's okay. Doc has pretty much learned to ignore us when he wants to," Bugs assured her. "So anyway, remember the little alien octopus guy in the fish bowl?"

Minerva shot a look at us and I got the message loud and clear. "Uh, fellas, I think she means we should leave."

"Why does Doc always get alone time with the girl?" Bugs protested as I herded him and Doomsday from the room.

"Just let us know if you need anything," I said to Minerva before exiting, closing the door behind me.

Minerva finished attaching the electrodes to Doc's head and sat down on the bench with the machine between them. "How does that feel?" she asked.

"It feels fine," Doc assured her. "Is this study part of a course for college or something?"

"It's an independent study my mother is conducting," Minerva explained. "Perhaps you've heard of her? Professor Athena Veda."

Doc shook his head, then stopped when Minerva indicated he shouldn't move. "No, I'm afraid I haven't."

A brief flash of frustration crossed Minerva's face, but it was quickly replaced by an apprehensive look as she adjusted some buttons on the machine and took a deep breath. "Okay," she sighed, "I'm ready to . . . "

"You can't do this," Doc warned her seriously.

Minerva was startled. "What do you mean?" she asked anxiously.

Doc pointed to the wires leading into the machine. "You have these plugged in the wrong place. See? You have them coming from the output jacks, not going into the input."

Minerva checked the wires and looked embarrassed. "That was a silly mistake!" she admitted as she corrected the wiring.

"What kind of a machine is this?" Doc asked, leaning over to study the box more carefully.

"It's an invention of my mother's," Minerva explained curtly, pushing Doc back so he was sitting up straight. "Try not to move, okay?" She sat back when the wires were in their proper places. "Are you ready?"

"Sure," Doc answered. "What would you like me to do?"

"Just close your eyes and relax," Minerva instructed as she switched on the machine. "Don't think about anything . . . just let your mind . . . "

"Don't think about anything?" Doc asked in disbelief.

Minerva nodded. "Just let your mind be calm."

"Well, I've never not thought about anything before, but okay," Doc sighed, closing his eyes.

"Breathe deeply," Minerva suggested as she flipped a switch on the machine, which hummed in response. "Relax your body . . . relax your mind . . . "

As Doc breathed deeply with his eyes closed, Minerva flipped open a cover on the machine to reveal the modified eight-track cassette recorder hidden beneath. She gave Doc a look of concern then pressed the play and record buttons. The needle inside the lighted recording level indicator immediately jumped to the highest level and wavered steadily back and forth.

"That's fine," Minerva sighed without enthusiasm, "Deep breaths."

Doc's expression slowly changed from one of relaxation to one of discomfort. His brows furrowed as if he were feeling pained.

"Just relax," Minerva urged him sadly, "It will be over soon."

Gradually over the next fifteen minutes Doc's expression eased and Minerva watched carefully as the machine continued to record. The level indicator was dropping off dramatically, wavering in the lower third of the meter. She found herself becoming more upset the lower the needle dropped.

Finally, unable to stand it, Minerva switched off the machine before the recording was completed. She stood up and removed the electrodes from Doc's temples. "Doc, can you hear me?" she asked.

Doc's eyes opened and he stared up at her with a blank expression. Minerva realized with sadness that when he stared at her, she no longer heard the sound of thundering hoofbeats.

"I'm sorry," she offered, closing the cover of the recorder as she fought back the tears which were coming to her eyes. "This wasn't what I expected."

Unable to look at Doc any longer, Minerva closed the case and hurried from the room.

Doomsday, Bugs and I were sitting on the front steps of the police station when Minerva hurried past us. She was clutching the case with both hands and looked upset.

"Oh, here . . . let me get that for you!" Bugs offered again as he hurried after her.

"No, I've got it!" Minerva sobbed as she swung her body to push Bugs away and opened the hatchback of her car to set the case inside.

"I know chivalry may be old-fashioned but I didn't mean to upset you," Bugs offered.

Minerva closed the hatchback and hurried to get into her car, trying not to look at us.

"Is everything okay?" I asked with concern as I approached her.

"Oh yes," Minerva assured me through her tears. "It's just . . . I was just overwhelmed by his enormous intellect, that's all."

Minerva jumped into the driver's seat of her car and sped away from the curb, leaving us stunned.

"I've seen Doc overwhelm women before, but never like that!" Doomsday observed.

"She must be very passionate about her work," I speculated as we walked back into the precinct.

Doc was still sitting on the bench when we entered the room. "So, how did it go?" I asked.

"I hope you didn't break her machine with your powerful mind," Bugs said. "She seemed really upset about something when she left."

When Doc didn't respond, I walked over to him. "Well, Doc? What happened?"

Doc looked up at me with a confused expression. And confusion is one expression you practically never see on Doc's face.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"It's unusual for a girl to leave Doc speechless," Doomsday noted.

"No, something's wrong," I said. I reached over to take Doc's face in my hands and looked into his eyes. He seemed perfectly aware and conscious but lost and confused. "Doc, can you understand me?"

Doomsday and Bugs walked over, eyeing Doc with concern.

"Doc, listen to me," I urged. "What is 2,000 divided by four?"

I could see Doc trying to understand this question; his face showed his growing confusion and frustration. When I turned to look at the others, I realized Doomsday had the exact same puzzled look on his face.

"Oh no!" I gasped. "That girl! She stole Doc's brain!"

"You mean she was from _Mars?" _Doomsday asked in horror.

"Bugs, quick! Go see if you can catch up with her!" I said.

"Sure thing, P.T.!" Bugs saluted, and he raced out the door. He returned a moment later and asked, "What was she driving?"

"A 1973 Vega GT Hatchback Coupe," I answered.

"Right!" Bugs nodded, and he raced out the door again. A moment later he returned. "What color?"

"Red!" I cried. "With black striping! License plate GVW 738! With a small ding in the left front fender. And the head gasket is leaking oil onto the motor block!"

"Got it!" Bugs nodded, and once again he raced out the door. A moment later he walked back in and asked, "How on earth do you know it had oil leaking onto the motor block?"

"Because I caught the smell of burning oil when she drove up!" I explained with frustration. "Bugs, please! Hurry!"

"Okay! Okay!" Bugs said, and he raced from the room.

"We really need to go over the importance of observational skills again," I sighed.

"The car was red?" Doomsday asked with surprise.

"Doomsday, we were just sitting outside with the car in front of us for over twenty minutes!" I pointed out.

"Oh yeah," Doomsday realized.

I looked at Doc and realized the panic in my voice was upsetting him. His face was twisting in a way that indicated he was going to cry.

"Oh no! No, Doc, it's okay! Please, don't cry!" I begged.

That only seemed to upset him more and suddenly he burst out crying, shouting, "No! Bad!"

"At least he can talk," I realized with some relief.

Doomsday sat next to Doc and tried to comfort him. "There, there, don't cry, Doc! It's gonna be okay! We'll get your brain back somehow!"

"He's like a little kid," I realized. Then I had an idea. "Wait here with him, Doomsday! I'll be right back!"

Doomsday continued to talk comfortingly to Doc as I hurried from the room. But Doc continued to cry unabated.

After a few minutes I returned. "Here, here . . . " I offered, placing a policeman's hat on Doc's head and handing him a chocolate chip ice cream cone. "Don't cry. It'll be okay."

Doc stopped crying and studied the ice cream cone. After a moment he took a lick and giggled, then began eating the ice cream happily.

"Good thinking, P.T.!" Doomsday smiled.

"It's standard police procedure when dealing with upset toddlers," I explained.

"Where did you get the ice cream?" Doomsday asked.

"They keep it in the lunch room freezer for these situations," I answered.

"Was there any more?" Doomsday asked hopefully.

I looked at Doomsday, who now looked like he might start crying. "Oh, okay! Hang on!" I moaned, getting up and leaving the room.

When I returned with another ice cream cone and some napkins I found Doomsday pointing at Doc and saying in a clear voice, "Doc!"

"Dot!" Doc replied with a smile.

Doomsday pointed to himself and said, "Doomsday."

"Doody!" Doc giggled.

"That's the best he can do with names," Doomsday sighed as I handed him the ice cream cone. "Thanks, P.T." Doomdsay licked his ice cream then pointed at me and said, "P.T.! P.T.!"

"Petey!" Doc said happily, kicking his feet as he messily ate his ice cream.

"Very good," I praised as I wiped Doc's mouth with a napkin.

Bugs entered the C.A.P.E.R. room, panting from exhaustion. "I looked in every direction," he reported. "I couldn't find any sign of her."

"That's okay," I sighed. "Thanks for trying."

Bugs looked at Doomsday and Doc and cried, "Hey, they have ice cream! Don't I get any ice cream?"

"Bugs, you just had a donut a little while ago," I pointed out.

"Well, so did Doomsday!" Bugs reminded me. "And I just ran all over the neighborhood!"

I sighed, getting up and heading back to the lunch room.

Doomsday pointed at Bugs and said to Doc, "Bugs! Bugs!"

"Buzz!" Doc smiled.

"Not bad," Bugs smiled, kneeling down in front of Doc. "And do you know your name?"

"Dot!" Doc answered happily.

"Dot!" Bugs nodded. Bugs sat beside them on the bench and looked at Doomsday, sighing, "You know, I can't remember ever seeing Doc this happy before. It's kind of unnerving."

When I entered the C.A.P.E.R. room again with another ice cream cone I found Doc systematically pointing in turn, saying, "Buzz! Doody! Dot!" He then pointed at me and said, "Petey!"

"That's right," I nodded, handing Bugs his ice cream cone.

"Thanks, Petey," Bugs said.

Doomsday and Doc had finished their cones and Doomsday was cleaning Doc's fingers with a napkin when Doc leaned over to whisper something in Doomsday's ear.

"What?" Doomsday asked with confusion.

"Potty!" Doc shouted loudly.

"Oh!" Doomsday understood, taking Doc by the hand and leading him to the door. "I'm going to go show Dot where . . . " He lowered his voice to a whisper. " . . . where the potty is."

"Maybe Petey should show Dot where the potty is," Bugs commented. "Then he'll know where to do his doody."

"I'm getting confused," Doomsday sighed.

"Just show Dot where the little boys room is," I urged.

After they left the room I sat on the bench next to Bugs. "Thank goodness for that," I sighed.

"For what?" Bugs asked.

"For apparently being past the toilet training stage," I explained.

"Oh yeah," Bugs agreed, licking his ice cream cone. "What are we going to do?"

"We have to find Minerva and get Doc's brain back," I stated.

"But why do you think that she wanted to steal Doc's brain?" Bugs asked.

"Well, she was looking for the smartest man in town," I reminded him. "That just happened to be Doc. I think she was actually expecting him to be an old man."

"But what can she possible do with Doc's brain?" Bugs asked.

At that moment Sgt. Vinton entered the C.A.P.E.R. room looking upset. "Who's been eating all the chocolate chip ice cream?" he demanded to know.

Bugs quickly popped the rest of the ice cream into his mouth and hid the cone behind his back.

I stood up and approached Sgt. Vinton. "Do you think you could get us some information from a license plate number?" I asked.

"If it has to do with a crime, I suppose so," Sgt. Vinton answered, then he leaned over to look around me at Bugs. "What's with him?"

I looked around and saw Bugs was trying to swallow the huge amount of ice cream he'd shoved into his mouth. His eyes were rolling back in his head as he struggled to get it down.

"Did someone say 'that word' to him again?" Sgt. Vinton asked.

"Wwwtttt wwwwddd?" Bugs mumbled with his mouth full.

"No, nothing like that," I assured Sgt. Vinton. "Now, about tracing that license plate number . . . "

"Can't Doc look it up on his computer?" Sgt. Vinton asked. "It's probably faster than going through the Department of Motor Vehicle index cards. And he seems to be able to find just about anything on there."

Doc and Doomsday entered the room and Doc stopped when he spotted our fish tank water cooler. He walked over to it and stared at the fish swimming inside with fascination.

"Those are fish," Doomsday explained to Doc patiently.

"Unfortunately that's not an option because, well . . . Doc's not really himself today," I sighed.

"Why is he wearing my hat?" Sgt. Vinton asked.

"It's a long story," I sighed. "You see, someone stole his brain."

"Stole his brain!?" Sgt. Vinton exclaimed. He turned to Doc and asked, "Is that true?"

"Fish!" Doc shouted happily.

Sgt. Vinton turned back to me and gasped, "Someone stole his brain! But who? And how?"

"It was a girl," Doomsday offered.

"That doesn't surprise me," Sgt. Vinton sighed. "Many a man has lost his mind over a girl."

"As for how, she must have sucked it out with her machine," I explained.

"I don't think I want to know all the gruesome details," Sgt. Vinton said. "Does the license plate number have anything to do with this?"

"It's from the girl's car," I answered. "We need to find her to get Doc's brain back!"

"Okay, give me the information," Sgt. Vinton said.

I walked to the desk and wrote down the license number and make of the car for him. "The girl's name was Minerva," I explained as I tore the top sheet off the notepad off to give to him. "And that's about all we know."

"I'll see what I can find out," Sgt. Vinton promised, then he eyed Bugs again warily. "Are you sure she didn't steal _his_ brain, too?"

Bugs was clutching his head painfully and stomping his feet.

"Positive," I assured Sgt. Vinton.

With a shake of his head Sgt. Vinton left the room. A moment later he stepped back in and took his hat off Doc's head before exiting again. Doc pouted and looked like he might start crying, so I stepped over and pointed to the fish to distract him. "Look at the pretty fish!"

"Fish!" Doc smiled.

"Oh!" Bugs cried out, getting to his feet and opening his empty mouth in pain. "Oh, what a brain freeze!"

"Oh no, now Bugs' brain is frozen?" Doomsday cried worriedly. "What do these Martians want with us?"

"There are no Martians," I assured Doomsday. "Hopefully Sgt. Vinton will be able to get us some information from the license plate number so we can find Minerva and recover Doc's brain!"

* * *

Minerva hurried into the inconspicuous industrial building at the edge of town and quickly locked the door behind her. Passing through the plain office in front she walked down a makeshift corridor comprised of temporary wall panels and passed a storage area to the left before entering the large laboratory hidden in the back.

"Did you get it?" the dark, mysterious woman who was waiting in the room asked anxiously.

"Yes, Mother," Minerva answered as she set the case down on a work table in the center of the room.

Professor Athena Veda stepped forward excitedly. "Good girl! I knew I could count on you!"

"But Mother, he wasn't an old man," Minerva reported. "He was young!"

"But you _did_ get the smartest brain you could find?" Athena asked.

"Oh yes, everyone said he was the smartest man in town," Minerva assured her. "But . . . he was only about 20!"

"That's even better," Athena smiled. "All the intellect with none of the memory loss! Now, you know what to do."

Athena sat on a chair beside the table and started to connect the electrodes to her own temple.

"Yes, Mother," Minerva sighed as she switched the wires back to the output. "I recorded his brain just as you said, with the different components on the separate tracks; his intellect, scruples, reasoning . . . " She hesitated a moment. " . . . charm . . . "

"Huh!" Athena scoffed.

"He _was_ charming, Mother," Minerva said. "I heard things when he looked at me."

"All the better that you left him a vegetable then," Athena smirked. "Don't forget what I've told you, Minerva. Men use their 'charm' to manipulate women."

"He seemed nice, though," Minerva sighed.

"Minerva!" Athena scolded sharply. "I'm surprised at you! I've taught you better than that! Men have oppressed women throughout the ages! And what do they use their supposedly superior brains for? To oppress women even more! To start wars! To cause chaos in the world! No, my dear, don't forget our purpose in all this. I can use this additional intellect to bring about positive change in the world!"

"Yes, I know, Mother," Minerva nodded. "You're right."

"Keep your eye on the big picture, my dear," Athena urged gently. "Now . . . transfer his intelligence to me."

"Mother, do you think this is a good idea?" Minerva asked. "I mean, we've never tried to transfer anything into a full mind already."

"It will be fine," Athena assured her.

"How can you be certain?" Minerva asked.

Athena placed a hand on Minerva's arm and insisted, "It will be fine. Now do as you're told."

"Yes, Mother," Minerva agreed, and she turned on the machine and cued up the correct track on the cassette.

Athena sat back in her chair and waited patiently for the transfer to begin_. "I'll show them," _she said under her breath, too quietly for Minerva to hear. _"I'll show _all_ of them!"_

* * *

It was late afternoon and the Big Bologna was rolling down the street with Bugs at the wheel. I was sitting beside him in the passenger seat. Suddenly there was a loud wail from the back.

"What happened?" I asked, looking around.

"It's okay!" Doomsday assured us. "Mr. Featherstone just scared Dot is all."

Mr. Featherstone had popped up out of his tank, startling Doc, who was now crying.

"It's okay," Doomsday said gently. "Mr. Featherstone is nice. He's just a big fish."

"Fish?" Doc asked.

"Fish!" Doomsday nodded.

"Fish!" Doc said happily, reaching over and pulling on Mr. Featherstone's dorsal fin.

Mr. Featherstone babbled angrily, looking very much like he wanted to take a bite out of Doc's arm.

"No, Mr. Featherstone!" Doomsday scolded. "Don't bite! You have to be patient with Dot. He's like a little kid now."

Mr. Featherstone mumbled with frustration as Doc continued to pull on his fins.

"It should be this apartment building on the right," I said to Bugs.

Bugs pulled the Big Bologna to the curb and parked. We unfastened our seat belts and stood up.

"Doomsday, you stay here with Dot," I instructed. "Bugs and I are going to check on this address Sgt. Vinton found for us."

"Okay," Doomsday said.

Mr. Featherstone, tired of being yanked at, dove down under the water, splashing Doomsday and Doc as he retreated. Doc laughed, clapping his hands.

Bugs and I stepped out of the Big Bologna and walked to the apartment building.

"According to the DMV records, she lives in apartment 110," I said.

We located apartment 110 and I knocked on the door. When there was no answer I knocked again.

After a moment the door of apartment 108 opened and an older man looked out. "Can I help you, boys?" he asked.

"We were looking for Minerva Veda," I explained. "She lives here?"

The man shook his head. "Not for about six months now. She was attending Northeast Southweston University but she dropped out."

"Really?" I asked. "Any idea why?"

"No," the man said. "A shame. She was a bright student from what I could see. Pretty, too. Are you friends of hers?"

"Not exactly," Bugs admitted.

"I didn't think so," the man sighed sadly. "She never had any male callers. Pretty thing like that and no boyfriend . . . it's a shame, that's what it is. But she was just too independent. You know, what d'ya call 'em . . . a feminist. Yeah, a real shame."

"Do you have any idea where she may have gone?" I asked. "It's important that we find her."

"I'm sorry, boys, but I have no idea where she moved to," the man said.

"Well, thanks anyway," I sighed. Bugs and I turned to leave.

"Hold on," the man called after us. "There may be one more place you can try. Her mother worked over at the Krelvin Research Laboratories. Maybe she'd know where Minerva moved to. She was really close with her mother. Fiercely proud of her work. Said she was always being held back by 'The Boy's Club,' whatever that means."

"Thanks, that's very helpful!" I said. "Come on, Bugs."

"Gee," Bugs sighed sarcastically as we returned to the Big Bologna, "So Minerva's a feminist. I never would have guessed that!"

"Yeah, she hides that particular inclination pretty well," I agreed.

We climbed back into the Big Bologna and found Doomsday teaching Dot how to play Paddy Cake.

"Any luck?" Doomsday asked.

"She doesn't live here any more," I reported, buckling myself in, "But we have another lead. Her mother supposedly works over at the Krelvin Research Laboratories."

"Hopefully she's as close to her mother as the old man said," Bugs sighed, starting up the Big Bologna and pulling away from the curb.

* * *

Minerva removed the electrodes from her mother's temples and looked at her worriedly. "Mother? Are you okay?"

Athena's eyes were opened wide with wonder. "Such a wealth of knowledge!" she gasped in awe. "It's incredible! I had no idea . . . "

"It worked then?" Minerva asked hopefully.

"Yes," Athena smiled. "Oh yes! It's worked perfectly! If only I'd had this knowledge before! Those chauvinist pigs will be sorry they continually passed me over for recognition!"

"Now you can develop new medicines and make breakthroughs in technology that will better humanity!" Minerva said happily.

"Yes, yes," Athena said absent-mindedly. Her brows then furrowed in concentration. "Only . . . they're going to try to stop us."

"Who?" Minerva asked.

"Those other boys," Athena answered. "The ones from the police station. P.T., Doomsday and Bugs."

"I didn't mention them," Minerva pointed out with surprise. "How do you . . . ?"

"My dear, memories and intelligence are inseparable," Athena explained. "And I know they're going to try to find my brain. Or rather, Doc's brain."

"What can we do?" Minerva asked nervously.

Athena thought for a moment. "Call the television station," she ordered. "Get in touch with that reporter, Kurt Klinsinger. Arrange an interview with him for me tomorrow morning."

"But what will that . . . ?" Minerva began.

"My dear, trust me," Athena smiled wickedly.


	2. Act Two

"I'm sorry, boys, but Athena Veda is no longer with this company," Mr. Affenberger, the office manager of the Krelvin Research Laboratories, informed Bugs and I from across his desk.

"It's very important that we locate her," I told him. "We need to find her daughter, Minerva."

"I wish I could help you," Mr. Affenberger sighed. "But I have no idea what happened to her after she left the corporation. All I know for sure is the house where she used to live was sold a few months ago."

"She left the company of her own accord?" I asked.

"You mean 'Did she quit?'" Mr. Affenberger asked. "That's a matter of opinion."

"Opinion?" Bugs asked.

"If you ask her, she'd say she was pushed out by the . . . oh, how did she put it? . . . 'oppressive male hierarchy,'" Mr. Affenberger scoffed.

"Like mother, like daughter," Bugs sighed.

"Now if want to know the truth, she was let go because she was using lab equipment and supplies on our time for her own purposes and not reporting her findings to us," Mr. Affenberger finished.

"She wasn't easy to work with then?" I asked.

"She was impossible to work with!" Mr. Affenberger complained. "Oh, she was brilliant! Most brilliant woman I've ever known. And she had a bright career ahead of her. But she was just so narrow-minded on certain subjects."

"Such as equality," Bugs suggested.

"Don't get me wrong," Mr. Affenberger defended himself. "I'm all for Woman's Lib. Equal pay for equal work and all that. But this was different. She really seemed to have some deep-rooted anger towards men. Hatred, really. Maybe it stemmed from her divorce. Or maybe it started when she was dismissed from teaching at Northeast Southweston University."

"Any idea why she was dismissed?" I asked.

"Well, again, to hear her tell it she was being punished for speaking out about the injustices toward women in the predominantly masculine world of higher education," Mr. Affenberger sighed. "Who knows what the real reason might have been?"

"Thank you, Mr. Affenberger," I said, standing up to shake the man's hand.

"I'm sorry I couldn't give you more helpful information," Mr. Affenberger offered.

"No, it was actually quite useful," I assured him.

As Bugs and I walked back to the Big Bologna, Bugs sighed. "What do you think it all means?"

"Well, now I'm starting to think Minerva isn't the mastermind behind this whole scheme," I suggested.

"You think it's her mother who wanted to steal Doc's brain?" Bugs asked.

"It's very likely," I said. "Unfortunately we're no closer to finding out _where_ they are than we were before."

We stepped into the Big Bologna where Doomsday was reading a comic book to Doc.

"Now, see . . . this big mean kid, Greg, is going to talk this poor, helpless kid called 'The Brain' into going up on the dangerous conveyer thing," Doomsday explained to Doc, pointing at the pictures. "But Captain Marvel is going to save them!"

Doc clapped excitedly.

"It's getting late," I sighed, glancing at my watch. "I don't know what else we can accomplish today."

"Yeah, but what are we going to do with Doc?" Bugs asked. "We can't send him home like this."

"That's true," I sighed. "His parents are grooming him to run empires, but I don't think they want him building them out of Tinker Toys."

"Maybe Nanny Noony would look after him for us," Bugs suggested.

"That's an idea," I agreed. "Let's get back to the C.A.P.E.R. room and give her a call. See if she's available to watch him tonight."

* * *

Back at the C.A.P.E.R. room, I hung up the turquoise telephone and sighed. "Well, Nanny Noony's out," I reported.

"Why?" Bugs asked.

"Because she's sitting with Klinsinger tonight," I reported. "His mother's out of town on a quilting conference."

"Can't she watch both of them?" Doomsday asked.

"I don't think it's a good idea for Klinsinger to find out what happened to Doc," I pointed out. "He'll just want to exploit the situation. And Doc's parents don't need to find out their son has reverted to the mind set of a two-year-old from the television."

"And what if we can't find his brain?" Bugs asked.

"Hopefully that won't be the case!" I said worriedly. After thinking a moment, I suggested, "I think we should just spend the night here and look after Doc ourselves."

"Yay!" Doomsday exclaimed. "A slumber party!"

"Yay!" Doc mimicked Doomsday.

"Wait a minute!" Bugs cried. "I'm not going to any girly slumber party!"

"Okay, so we'll camp out instead," I offered.

"That sounds better," Bugs agreed. "Hey, I wonder if there's any of that ice cream left in the freezer!"

"Ice cream!" Doc cheered, doing a little dance.

"I wish Doc was always this fun!" Doomsday smiled.

_Two hours later:_

"Oh don't cry again, Dot," Bugs pleaded. "Petey will be back with the pizza soon."

"Wanna eat now!" Doc demanded in a shrill voice.

"We should have realized he would get to the tired and cranky stage," Bugs sighed.

"Come on, Dot. Don't you want to read the comic book again?" Doomsday asked.

"No wanna comic!" Doc cried. "Wanna horsey!"

"Oh no, not again!" Bugs cried.

"Unca Buzz! Wanna horsey!" Doc demanded loudly.

"You'd better give him what he wants," Doomsday sighed. "We don't want him to hold his breath again."

"Unca Buzz tired!" Bugs complained. "Unca Buzz' back is sore!"

"Horsey!" Doc yelled.

"Okay, okay!" Bugs sighed, standing up. "Come on then. Let's get it over with."

Doc hopped up on Bugs' back and Bugs half-heartedly ran around the room with him.

"Giddyup, Unca Buzz!" Doc shouted happily.

"I sure hope no one ever sees this," Bugs sighed.

"You're a true friend," Doomsday assured Bugs.

After the third time around the room Bugs began to slow down. "Okay, that's enough," Bugs gasped, coming to a stop. "Unca Buzz tired."

"Giddyup, horsey!" Doc prodded.

Bugs fell to the floor and lay on his stomach with Doc still sitting on his back. "Neigh," Bugs moaned with exhaustion.

"Unca Buzz funny!" Doc laughed.

"Unca Buzz can't breath," Bugs gasped.

"Come on, Dot," Doomsday coaxed. "Don't squash Unca Buzz."

I entered the room carrying a large, flat cardboard box. "Pizza delivery!" I called, setting the box down on the desk.

"Pizza!" Doc and Doomsday yelled happily.

As I opened the box I looked down at Bugs, who was lying on the floor. "Wow, you decided to turn in early, Bugs. Don't you want a sleeping bag, though?"

"Just throw a blanket over me and close the door to the stable," Bugs moaned.

"Dot wanted to play horsey again," Doomsday explained.

"Which I'm sure Bugs agreed to with unbridled enthusiasm," I guessed sarcastically. "Come on, Bugs. Time to tie on the old feed bag. There's a good horsey."

Bugs got up and joined us at the desk. "What kind did you get?"

"Oh, you're gonna love this," I promised. "Sour cream, potato chips, jelly beans and watercress."

"Watercress?" Bugs and Doomsday cried with disgust.

"Well, it's Doc's favorite," I pointed out.

"No smoked eel then?" Bugs asked.

"They were out," I explained.

"Thank goodness for small favors," Bugs sighed. "Too bad they weren't out of watercress, too."

"Dig in, everybody," I announced.

We each took a piece of pizza. Bugs and Doomsday immediately began to pick the watercress off their slices.

"Well, at least Doc will appreciate it," I said.

I then realized Doc had already taken a bite and was making a face. He began to pick the watercress off his pizza as well.

"I guess he didn't develop his taste for watercress until later," I realized. I took a bite and nodded. "Actually, it adds a nice texture."

"Well, here," Bugs said, and he and Doomsday put their watercress on my pizza slice. Seeing this, Doc proceeded to do the same.

"Okay, well, there is such a thing as too much of a good thing," I sighed, picking off the extra watercress.

As we continued eating, Doomsday told us, "Dot was really interested in my picture book of animals from around the world. That kept him busy for an hour or more."

"And off my back for that blessed hour," Bugs added.

"Tell him about you trip to Africa, P.T.," Doomsday suggested. He turned to Doc and said, "P.T. went to Africa with his parents when he was twelve!"

"And he saw lions!" Bugs added.

"And tiger and bears!" I added automatically.

"Oh my!" Doomsday gasped.

Doc started to laugh. "Funny!"

"Why is that funny?" I asked.

"No tigers! No bears! No Africa!" Doc insisted.

I eyed Doomsday and Bugs with surprise. "Wow . . . I guess Doc's capacity for learning hasn't diminished much! You're right, Dot. There aren't any tigers or bears in Africa. But we did see lions!"

"Scary lions?" Dot asked with fascination.

"Sleepy lions," I assured him. "I was lucky to have the opportunity to travel abroad. I really liked Africa a lot . . . for the most part."

"Which would explain Unca Petey's choice in clothing styles," Doomsday noted.

"Why don't I tell Dot about the time I went to China to infiltrate a martial arts tournament held on an island owned by a one-handed renegade Shaolin monk so I could expose his dirty opium dealings?" Bugs suggested.

"Wow!" Doomsday gasped. "You never told me about that, Bugs! When was this?"

"1973," I sighed. "But it plays regularly at Durkin Farbes Starlight Drive-In Emporium."

"They made a movie about it?" Doomsday asked in awe.

"He's talking about 'Enter the Dragon,'" I explained patiently to Doomsday.

"Really?" Doomsday gasped, even more impressed. "You mean, Bruce Lee played Bugs?"

After we finished the pizza, we sat down to watch an old Laurel and Hardy movie on the TV. Sometime during the movie I must have nodded off while sitting on the bench.

I was having this strange dream about sleepy lions fighting Shaolin monks wearing bowler hats in Africa when something stirred me back into consciousness. I looked around and could see Bugs and Doomsday sitting on the floor in front of the television, staring intently at the small screen. But I couldn't see Doc with them.

"Where's Dot?" I asked as I sat up.

Bugs looked around and assured me, "He was here just a minute ago."

I could hear eerie music coming from the television. Apparently the Laurel and Hardy movie had ended and they were now watching some low-budget horror film.

"What are you watching?" I asked.

"'The Wasp Woman,'" Doomsday answered, still staring at the screen.

"Was Dot watching this with you?" I asked.

"Oh yeah, he was all excited about it," Bugs assured me.

I heard a whimpering sound from somewhere nearby. It seemed to be coming from Doomsday's secret entrance.

"Guys, you can't let Dot watch a movie like that!" I scolded. "It'll give him nightmares!"

"It's not even scary!" Bugs assured me. "She's a beautiful cosmetics company queen by day and a killer wasp woman at night. But she's just got on a wasp head and hands, that's all."

I walked over to the recess in the wall and stooped down to find Doc curled in the corner, crying.

"It's okay, Dot," I said gently. "Don't be scared."

"Scary lady!" Doc cried.

"I know, scary lady," I said, reaching in to take Doc's hand. "Come on, Unca Petey won't let the scary lady hurt you."

Doc resisted coming out at first, then finally scooted out of the space and sat on the floor next to me, sobbing quietly.

"There, there, Dot," I cooed, patting his head. "It's only pretend. Scary lady not real." I looked at Bugs and Doomsday and asked, "Would you please turn that thing off?"

"Okay, Unca Petey," Bugs sighed, and he turned off the television.

"There, see?" I said to Doc. "Scary lady all gone."

"Don't be afraid, Dot," Bugs said. "They just spray her with a giant can of Raid at the end and then she's all dead."

"Is that how it ends?" Doomsday asked in amazement. "I would've liked to have seen that!"

"It's late," I said. "Dot's tired out. He's had a long day. Why don't we all turn in?"

"Okay," Bugs and Doomsday agreed and they went to lay out their sleeping bags.

I led Doc to the bench, which I'd earlier fixed up with blankets and a pillow. "Come on, Dot. Beddy-bye time."

Doc crawled onto the bench and put his head on the pillow as I covered him with the blanket.

"Nighty-night," I said, then turned to set up my own sleeping bag.

"Unca Petey?" Doc asked quietly.

"What, Dot?" I asked, turning back.

Doc was looking up at me with sad, scared eyes and I realized he was still thinking about the scary lady in the movie. He looked so helpless it practically broke my heart.

I sat down on the floor next to the bench and asked, "Would you like me to stay with you a while?"

Doc nodded.

"Okay," I said. "I'll stay right here. You try to get some sleep."

I watched as Doc closed his eyes. After a while his breathing became deep and steady and I knew he had fallen asleep. But I rested my arms on the bench and sat watching over him anyway.

"Don't worry, Doc," I whispered. "We'll get your brain back from the scary lady."

* * *

"Unca Petey! Unca Petey! Wake up!"

I lifted my head and realized I had fallen asleep next to the bench and was now considerably stiff and sore. "Huh? What is it?" I asked sleepily.

"Unca Doody! Go to park?" Doc cried happily.

"I said he had to ask your permission first," Doomsday explained.

"Unca Doody wants to take you to the park?" I asked, rubbing my eyes. "Did you have breakfast yet?"

"Unca Doody got donuts!" Doc exclaimed, pointing to an unmarred pink box sitting on the desk.

"It wasn't easy sneaking them past the officers out there," Doomsday assured me, motioning toward the outer office.

"Where's Bugs?" I asked.

"He's in the little boy's room," Doomsday answered. "Is it okay if I take Dot to the park for a while?"

"After a breakfast of donuts he probably needs to burn off some energy," I realized, slowly getting to my feet. "Sure, have fun."

"Thanks, Unca Petey!" Doc smiled, and he followed Doomsday out the door.

I stretched my aching muscles and walked over to the desk, looking into the donut box to see if anything remained. I was happy to find they had left a jelly-filled sugar donut for me and I started eating it when Bugs walked into the room.

"So, did you let Doody take Dot to the park?" Bugs asked.

"Yeah," I nodded. "They may as well have some fun since I'm not even sure where to begin this morning."

"There's got to be a way to track this woman down," Bugs sighed. "I mean, it's not like she's suddenly going to appear right in front of us."

Bugs struck the top of the television to turn it on, which was a natural thing to do since this was about the time we usually watched the special Saturday morning Klinsinger report.

"I'm very pleased this week to introduce you to someone who is bound to make a real name for herself in the near future," Kurt Klinsinger smiled. "Professor Athena Veda."

Bugs and I shared a look of disbelief. "Then again . . . " Bugs added.

"Thank you for asking me to be on the program," Athena smiled.

"I'm very pleased to have you," Klinsinger smiled in return. Clearly he was enjoying the company of this beautiful interviewee. "You are undoubtedly one of the most brilliant and talented research scientists in town, if not in the entire country. Tell me, what do you hope to accomplish with your skills?"

"Well, Mr. Klinsinger . . . " Athena began.

"Oh, call me Kurt!" Klinsinger smiled giddily.

Athena did her best to contain her disgust. "All right then . . . Kurt . . . I am hoping to bring a woman's perspective to the science of research and development. So often a woman's point of view is overlooked. But can there be anything wrong with approaching science and technology with a kinder, gentler sensibility?"

"I should say not!" Klinsinger was quick to agree.

"It is my hope that by opening doors to women in many of the fields which have previously been predominately run by men, we can develop technologies with the specific goal in mind of benefitting humankind and bringing a warmth and positive energy to the world, thereby disarming the heretofore established male dominant society and bringing it to its proverbial knees where it belongs."

"Yes, yes," Klinsinger was smiling and nodding, then he did a double take, realizing the last thing she'd said. "You're kidding, right?"

Athena looked straight into the camera with a knowing smile and said, "Sometimes I try."

Bugs and I immediately turned to each other and gasped, "Doc!"

"She's got Doc's brain all right!" Bugs said.

"It looks like this interview is being broadcast live," I realized, hitting the top of the television set to turn it off. "Come on, let's get down to the station right away! Maybe we can still catch her!"

* * *

I parked the Big Bologna in front of the television station and Bugs and I jumped out, running inside quickly.

After we disappeared through the front doors, Minerva crept up to the Big Bologna and cupped her hands to peer through the round windows on the side. She then hurried to a black car waiting across the street and climbed into the back seat.

"There was no one else in the van," Minerva reported.

"Hmmmm," Athena hummed in thought from the driver's seat. "That means they left Doomsday to watch over Doc somewhere. Now let me think . . . where would they most likely be? Doomsday probably bought donuts . . . so they're probably experiencing a sugar rush . . . "

After thinking a moment longer, Athena snapped her fingers and smiled. "The park!" She started the car and drove off quickly.

It must have startled Kurt Klinsinger when Bugs and I suddenly rushed into the television studio because he jumped quite a bit upon our entrance.

"Where is she?" I cried.

"Where is who?" Klinsinger asked.

"The women you were interviewing!" I said. "Where is she?"

"Oh, she left with her daughter about five minutes ago," Klinsinger answered.

"We just missed her!" Bugs snapped his fingers.

"Do you have any idea where they were going?" I asked, clutching at Klinsinger's shirt.

"No," Klinsinger replied.

"Any idea where they live?" Bugs asked, also clutching at Klinsinger's shirt.

"No!" Klinsinger replied even more adamantly.

"Didn't you find out anything at all about them?" I cried desperately.

"Yes, I did," Klinsinger said angrily, pulling our hands from his shirt with indignation. "I found out neither of them are interested in dating me!" He stalked off in a huff.

"Well, now what?" Bugs sighed.

"I don't know," I admitted. "I guess we might as well meet Doomsday and Doc at the park and try to figure something out from there."

* * *

"Wanna play swings!" Doc said excitedly.

"Okay," Doomsday said, craning his neck to look at the swings. He had to keep turning his head to do so since he was sitting on the spinning wheel ride with Doc at the time as it went round and round. "You can go play on the swings. But make sure you stay where I can see you!"

Doc jumped off the Big Spinner and ran over to the swings. Doomsday went around several more times until the ride started to slow, then looked over to see if Doc had found a place on the swing set.

As the wheel came to a stop, Doomsday could see Doc was sitting on the end swing closest to the edge of the park. But he wasn't swinging. Instead a woman was standing beside him and it looked as if she were doing something to his jacket.

Doomsday hopped off the Big Spinner and walked over to the swing set. "No, no, Dot!" he scolded as Doc was about to take something from the woman. "You don't take candy from strangers!"

"Well, you're very right," the woman agreed politely. "And this is . . . ?"

"Unca Doody," Doc answered.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, but Dot's not supposed to talk to strangers," Doomsday explained.

"I understand," the woman said, then she offered the wrapped package to Doomsday. "Would you . . . ?"

"Oh no," Doomsday shook his head. "I don't take candy from strangers, either."

"You're very smart," the woman smiled, then she held out her hand to shake. "My name is Athena."

Doomsday shook her hand and smiled, "Very nice to meet you, Athena."

"And this isn't candy," Athena explained, showing Doomsday. "It's a Zinger."

"So it is," Doomsday realized.

"So you see, we're not strangers now, and this isn't candy," Athena pointed out, offering the Zinger to Doomsday again.

"Well, that's true," Doomsday realized. "Are you sure . . . ?"

"Oh please, help yourself . . . I have another," Athena assured him.

"Well, thanks," Doomsday said, and he took the Zinger from her. She watched with anticipation as he took a bite.

After parking the Big Bologna, Bugs and I entered the park and started to look around for Doc and Doomsday.

"Now where are they?" I asked.

"P.T., didn't you teach him not to take candy from strangers?" Bugs asked.

"Dot?" I asked.

"No, Doomsday," Bugs replied.

"Doomsday knows not to take candy from strangers," I assured Bugs.

"I think maybe he's forgotten." Bugs pointed across the park to where Doomsday was standing with Athena. Another person was exited a black car parked near the swing set and approached them as well.

Doomsday took another bite from the Zinger when he saw a girl approaching. "Minerva!" he exclaimed. "We've been looking for you." At that moment the knockout drops in the Zingers' cream filling finally kicked in and Doomsday passed out.

Seeing Doomsday collapse into Athena's arms, Doc immediately jumped up from the swing and started running away, crying, "Scary lady! Scary lady!"

"It's them!" I cried. "They've got Doomsday!"

Athena and Minerva were struggling to carry Doomsday to the back of the car. Bugs and I hurried across the park as Minerva pulled Doomsday into the back seat and Athena jumped behind the wheel. The car then sped away from the curb.

Doc ran to me, throwing his arms around my waist and crying, "Scary lady! Scary lady!"

"It's okay. It's okay," I tried to comfort Doc.

"I'll stop them!" Bugs announced, and he took off running in fast motion after the car.

"Come on, Dot," I said, pulling Doc to the sidewalk to see which direction they were going.

Bugs was catching up to the car quickly, which was still in my sight when it suddenly screeched to a stop in the middle of the street about a block and a half away. I held Doc's hand firmly and we started running down the block towards them.

Bugs came to a confused stop when the driver's side door of the black car swung open and Athena boldly stepped out, turning to confront him as she brandished a long, black umbrella. She took a few steps in his direction and Bugs actually backed away from her, unsure what she planned to do.

Athena stopped moving toward him and stood leaning on the closed umbrella but didn't make any motion against him, so Bugs grew bolder and started walking toward her. "Look, just because you're a woman, don't think I'm going to go any easier on you," Bugs warned.

Athena held her ground as Bugs stormed angrily toward her. When he was only a few feet away she calmly said, "Bananas."

"Ba . . . NA . . . NA!" Bugs started convulsing and going crazy. "BA . . . NA . . . NA . . . na . . . BA . . na . . . na . . . !"

Doc and I were still a block away when I could see Bugs going crazy and knew that Athena had said "Bananas" to him. Minerva had jumped out of the backseat as Athena proceeded to hit Bugs over the head with the handle end of the umbrella, knocking him out.

As Athena and Minerva struggled to get Bugs into the car, Minerva commented, "Mother, this just doesn't seem right."

"We have no choice!" Athena insisted. "We have to make the pre-emptive strike to deal with these boys on our territory, not theirs!"

"But Mother . . . " Minerva whined.

"We can't let them interfere with our plans!" Athena insisted. "Now hurry!"

Minerva pulled Bugs into the back seat of the car with her and Athena jumped back into the driver's seat. There was no way Doc and I could reach the car before it sped off.

Exhausted, Doc sat down on the sidewalk and cried. "Scary Lady!!"

"Oh, don't cry!" I moaned in desperation. "Please, don't cry! Not now!"

"Want Unca Doody! Want Unca Buzz!" Doc wailed.

I knelt down next to Doc and tried to comfort him. "It's okay, Dot. We'll get back Unca Doody and Unca Buzz . . . somehow."

It was then I realized there was a note pinned to Doc's jacket. I quickly removed it and read it aloud to myself. "'P.T. - If you want your friends back with their brains intact, meet me at 1487 Industry Mill Road promptly at 11:00 a.m. Come alone . . . no police, or their brains will be toast. Signed, Professor Veda.' She means business. And she's using Doc's brain against us."

I quickly checked my watch. It was 10:45 a.m. already. There wouldn't be time to drop Doc off with anyone. I would have to take him with me. "Come on, Dot," I urged. "We have to go save Unca Doody and Unca Buzz . . . and get your brain back!"


	3. Act Three

That particular section of Industry Mill Road was as isolated an area as one could imagine. After pulling up in front of the plain, ordinary building I sat thinking for a moment. I had to make an important decision. Would I leave Doc unsupervised in the Big Bologna? Or would I take him inside with me?

Making up my mind, I turned to unbuckle Doc. "Okay, Dot, listen to me," I said, trying to gain his full attention. "I need you to do exactly as I say. Do you understand?"

Doc look scared but nodded his head.

"You have to be a brave boy," I urged. "Promise me when we get inside that you won't cry and you won't yell. Okay? Can you do that for your Unca Petey?"

Doc nodded again as he chewed anxiously on his knuckles.

"It's gonna be okay," I said calmly. "We're gonna save Unca Doody and Unca Buzz, right?"

"Right," Doc nodded, looking as determined as a toddler could.

"You're gonna get to be a _real _policeman!" I smiled. "Okay?"

"Okay," Doc smiled.

"Come on," I said, and I led Doc from the Big Bologna and towards the building.

I found the front door unlocked and so we entered cautiously. The front office was unextraordinary. Passing through to the back I led us down the narrow constructed corridor until we reached a storage area to our left. Beyond that I could see an open door which led to what looked like a large laboratory. Stepping closer to this open door I could just catch sight of Bugs and Doomsday. Both of them were tied to chairs.

Pushing Doc back away from the room, I led him into the storage area. "Okay," I whispered, coaxing him to sit on the floor beside several boxes. I made a quick scan of the area and didn't see any hazardous materials that would be dangerous for him to get into. "Dot, I need you to stay here, okay? Stay here and play quietly. Can you do that?"

"Yeah!" Doc whispered with a smile.

"Good boy," I said, patting his head. "I'll be back soon. Just stay here."

Dot began playing with the cardboard box beside him as I walked to the corridor. Slowly I approached the room. Doomsday and Bugs saw me coming and frantically tried to motion for me to stay away. Doomsday was tied to his chair with a few pieces of rope while Bugs was tied down to his chair with a ridiculously huge amount of rope.

"I take it from your spastic head maneuvers that our anticipated guest has arrived," I could hear Athena say in an amused voice.

I stepped into the room and found Athena standing beside a table in the center of the lab. Minerva was standing behind her, looking anxious.

"P.T., it's a trap!" Bugs yelled. "She wanted to lure you here!"

"I'm sure he knows that," Athena sighed impatiently.

"I knew that," I assured Bugs and Doomsday. "Leave it to Doc to know the best way to get to me is through you guys."

Athena smiled. "Then you knew that I knew that you would come," she smirked.

"Of course," I replied. "And you _knew_ that I knew that you knew I would come."

"What else do you know, I wonder?" Athena hummed.

"I know that you know that we're not going to let you get away with stealing Doc's brain," I said.

Athena nodded. "I do know that. And surely you must know that I can't allow you to stand in my way?"

"I suspected as much," I sighed. "So, it's basically a showdown then."

"A battle of wills," Athena nodded. "Brains vs. Cleverness."

We stared at each other for a long moment. I knew this was going to be a real challenge. I had never needed to go up against Doc's brain before, and that was in addition to Athena's intellect, which was undisputably impressive in its own right.

A wicked smile crossed Athena's lips. "Bananas."

"BA . . . NA . . . NA!" Bugs starts screaming, writhing violently in the chair but unable to break free of the huge amount of ropes that bound him. "NA! NA . . . BA . . . NA . . . NA . . . !"

"Stop it!" I yelled.

"How many times in a row do you think he can stand my saying that to him?" Athena laughed.

Bugs started to come around, asking wearily, "What's happening?"

"Not much," Doomsday lied worriedly.

"Should we find out?" Athena asked with a smirk.

Thinking quickly, I ran over to the bookshelf and pulled down a huge volume from a set of science encyclopedia, flipping it open and looking quickly for a scientific fact.

"Ban . . . " Athena began.

I cut her off, announcing loudly, "The hottest planet in the solar system is Saturn!"

Athena gave me a puzzled look at first, then suddenly she felt herself growing irritated against her will. She clutched her head in pain and moaned, arguing, "No, it isn't! It's Venus!"

"The most abundant element in the universe is zinc!" I proclaimed. I knew the one thing that befuddled Doc more than anything else was listening to incorrect information stated as fact.

Athena looked even more pained, struggling to get a hold of herself. "No! No! No!" she screamed. "It's hydrogen! Zinc isn't even close!"

"And that's referenced on page 47!" I added, holding up the book to her.

"No! No, it's not!" Athena cried in anguish. "It's page 53!"

"Page 47!" I insisted, motioning for Bugs and Doomsday to join in.

"Page 53!" she cried.

"Page 47!" we shouted.

"All right, enough!" Athena cried, snatching the book away from me and giving me a nasty stare. "You want to play rough? Okay then! I happen to know that you didn't have time to take Doc anywhere before coming here, so you must have brought him with you." She caught the look of concern on my face and smiled. "Minerva, go find Doc and bring him here."

Minerva gave her mother a concerned look before hurrying from the room.

"50 plus 50 is 200," I said.

"You stop that!" Athena shouted with frustration. "Stop it or . . . or I'll say that word again!"

"What word?" Bugs asked.

"Okay, okay," I agreed. "We'll call this particular battle a truce."

"Fine," Athena sighed with relief.

Minerva walked out of the lab and almost immediately spotted Doc sitting on the floor beside the open cardboard box in the storage room.

"Doc!" Minerva exclaimed with surprise as she hurried to him. Doc whimpered slightly as she knelt beside him. "Oh, don't be afraid," she said comfortingly. "It'll be okay."

It was then Minerva realized that Doc had been playing with numerous eight track cassette tapes and boxes which he had pulled out of the cardboard box beside him. He was even chewing on the corner of one box, so she pulled it away from him.

"No, no, you mustn't play with these!" Minerva scolded gently.

Doc whined slightly, reaching for the box Minerva had taken away.

"No," Minerva said firmly. She glanced at the box and recognized her mother's unique way of signing her name: "Prof. V." Curious, she opened the box and shook loose the cassette within, eyeing the label which read clearly in her mother's handwriting, "Scruples."

"So _that's_ why she was so certain she had room for your brain," Minerva realized. "She removed the scruples from her own mind. That's why she's . . . "

Minerva looked over her shoulder then quickly returned the cassette to its box. She threw the other cassettes and cases back into the cardboard box and then took Doc by the hand. "Come on, Doc. Come with me," she ordered.

When Minerva re-entered the lab she was leading Doc by the hand.

"Don't you dare hurt him!" I warned her.

"I wouldn't hurt him," Minerva assured me in a hurt voice, then catching the angry look from her mother she led Doc to a corner of the lab and made him sit down.

Doc had spotted Athena and cried out, "Scary lady!"

"It's okay," Minerva tried to console him as he cried softly.

"Now then," Athena said, "Since I have all of your friends here and can easily remove their brains . . . or what passes for brains . . . " She shot a look at Doomsday, who looked confused. " . . . don't you think it would be best to cooperate with me?"

"You make a fair argument," I agreed. "But I do have one question for you."

"And what would that be?" Athena asked.

"Why did you feel it was necessary to steal a _man's_ brain?" I asked.

Athena looked dumbstruck.

"When we first met Minerva she was looking for the smartest _man_ in town," I pointed out. "Not the smartest _person_. Now why is that?"

Minerva eyed her mother with curiosity.

"I'll tell you why," Athena snarled. "Because I not only wanted the smartest brain in town, I wanted to make sure to take away the smartest _man's_ intelligence! One less man to have to worry about later on! And I hope one day to make _all_ men as oppressed and trodden upon as they have made women all these years! I'll steal the brain of every man worth stealing! With the smartest minds in the world at my disposal, I can make sure _all_ men pay for their arrogant assumption of superiority!"

"Is that what you _really_ want to do, Mother?" Minerva asked in shock.

"Of course!" Athena spat angrily. "And no one, especially no _man_, is going to stop me!"

"Scary lady!" Doc cried as Minerva cradled his head to calm him.

"Well, I hate to fall into your twisted, clichéd viewpoint of men so readily, but since I am of the male persuasion I feel it necessary to point out that I'm definitely stronger than both you and Minerva," I stated calmly. "And if necessary I won't hesitate to use physical means to stop you."

Athena actually smiled. "So it's come to this? Threats of brute force? So typical of a man. When nothing else works, resort to violence."

"And hitting someone over the head with an umbrella isn't resorting to violence?" I asked.

"You always have just the right comeback, don't you?" Athena said with an eerie calm. "You are so clever, after all. And I'm beginning to realize that intelligence isn't always enough. If I had your cleverness as well, I'd be unstoppable!"

"And how can you assume you're going to be able to obtain that?" I asked.

Athena's smile grew wider. "BecauseI know one last thing you don't know that I know."

"Oh please don't start that again!" Bugs cried. "I already have a headache!"

"I know your Achilles' Heel," Athena informed me, moving to a row of shelves on the opposite side of the laboratory.

"Ha!" Doomsday laughed. "P.T. doesn't even wear heels!"

"His one weakness," Athena explained patiently.

"P.T. has a weakness?" Bugs asked.

Doomsday shrugged. "You have a weakness, P.T.?" he asked.

"I don't know," I shrugged. "I can't imagine what she's talking about."

Athena turned from the shelf holding a small brown box. "Perhaps you recall a trip you took when you were twelve . . . to Africa."

"_Uh oh,"_ I thought to myself, thinking quickly. _"Did I ever tell Doc about _that??"

"And you had a wonderful time," Athena continued, advancing on me as I instinctively backed away from her.

"_I did, didn't I?" _I realized with growing concern.

"All except for one pesky problem," Athena smiled, opening the box.

I could barely see the small plant clipping inside the container but its effects were immediate. In an instant Seymour, my nose, was tingling horribly, my eyes were watering and I began sneezing uncontrollably.

"You're violently allergic to Baobab trees," Athena smirked.

There was nothing I could do. The effects of the Baobab clipping were overwhelming and I could only sneeze and wheeze and gasp.

"Quick, Minerva, tie him down!" Athena ordered.

"But Mother . . . " Minerva protested.

"Now!" Athena ordered.

With my body being racked by constant sneezing I had no strength to fight off Minerva as she pushed me down into a chair and tied by arms and legs to it tightly.

"Scary lady! Bad!" Doc cried, jumping up and attempting to kick Athena in the shin.

"Get away from me, you little brat!" Athena roared, raising her arm and scaring Doc back into the corner.

"Leave him alone!" Doomsday cried angrily.

"Don't . . . hurt . . . him," I managed to sputter between sneezes.

Thankfully, Athena closed the box once I was tied down and I felt like I could begin to breath again.

"Minerva, hook him up to the machine," Athena ordered.

"You . . . won't get away with this," I gasped, fighting back another sneeze as Minerva began to affix the electrodes to my temples.

"I don't see why not," Athena smiled. "Once I have your cleverness, I'll empty the minds of your partners in crime-fighting here. Then with all of you out of the way, I can be sure to fulfill my plan for female world domination!"

Minerva avoided making eye contact with me as she worked. "Please," I gasped. "You don't have to do what she says."

Much to my disappointment, Minerva turned her back on me and switched on the machine.

"Stop!" Bugs shouted, trying to break free of the ropes that bound him.

"Leave P.T. alone!" Doomsday cried.

"Scary lady!" Doc shouted again.

"Is it ready, my dear?" Athena asked eagerly.

"It's all ready," Minerva assured her mother.

My eyes were still watering and I blinked several times, trying to clear my head. It was then I noticed that Minerva was tapping her finger ever so slightly on the table next to the machine. As I looked closer, I realized that the wires leading from the electrodes were laying unplugged beside the input jacks.

"Then . . . begin," Athena ordered with a smile.

Bugs and Doomsday watched in horror and Doc cried as Minerva hit the play and record buttons on the machine. I struggled at first then gradually grew calm, finally staring blankly ahead.

"Oh no . . . P.T.!" Doomsday gasped.

"Let him go!" Bugs shouted.

"Scary lady! Bad!" Doc cried again.

After about ten minutes, Minerva hit the stop button.

"It's done then?" Athena asked anxiously, pulling the electrodes from my head and fastening them to hers. "Wonderful! Perfect! Quickly now, transfer his cleverness to me!"

"Are you sure this is what you want, Mother?" Minerva asked.

"Positive," Athena cackled eagerly.

Without her mothering noticing, Minerva plugged the wires into the input jacks of the machine. Once her mother had finished affixing the electrodes to her temples and sat down in a chair beside the table, Minerva pressed the play and record buttons again.

"Whatever you say, Mother," Minerva sighed.

Bugs and Doomsday watched nervously and Doc whimpered as Athena's laugh grew quieter and quieter. Finally an eerie calm came over the laboratory.

"It looks like this is it for us," Bugs sighed sadly. "It was nice knowing you, Doomsday."

"It was nice knowing you, too, Bugs," Doomsday replied sadly. "I just wish I could have seen that movie about your trip to China starring Bruce Lee."

After a while, Minerva turned off the machine and said, "That should do it."

I lifted my head as Minerva walked behind my chair to untie me.

"I'm so sorry," she sighed.

"You did what you had to do," I offered sympathetically. "Thank you."

"Unca Petey!" Doc cried happily, running over to give me a hug.

"P.T.!" Bugs cried out with surprise. "But . . . your brain . . . ?"

"Still safely inside my head, thanks to Minerva," I assured Bugs, hurrying over to untie Doomsday.

"I don't understand," Doomsday said with confusion. "What happened?"

"I couldn't let my Mother get away with what she was planning," Minerva explained. "Especially when I found out she had removed her own scruples. She was out of control!"

Athena looked around and then started to cry. "Wanna Papa!" she wailed.

"I think maybe she could do with just being a kid again for a while," Minerva said with a smile.

"Scary lady big cry baby!" Doc teased Athena, causing Athena to cry even louder.

"Can you restore Doc's brain, Minerva?" Doomsday asked as I finished untying him and then started the long process of untying Bugs.

"Of course," Minerva assured him. She hurried from the room and returned a moment later carrying a cardboard box.

"Doomsday, why don't you help Minerva?" I suggested, fumbling with the long lengths of rope holding Bugs. "This could take a while."

Minerva set the box on the table beside the machine. "Look for the cassette box marked 'Doc's Brain,'" Minerva told Doomsday.

"Okay," Doomsday nodded, and he started looking through the cassettes inside the box.

Minerva removed the electrodes from her mother's head as Athena continued to cry. "There, there, Mother," Minerva spoke gently to her. "It will be okay. We'll go for ice cream later."

"Ice cream?" Athena asked with big, hopeful eyes.

"Wanna ice cream, too!" Doc chimed in.

"We'll get you some ice cream, too," Minerva promised him. "Come, sit down here like a good boy, okay?"

Doc sat in the chair by the machine and Minerva started trying to attach the electrodes to his head.

"No! Scary! Bad!" Doc protested, knocking her hands away.

"Doc, come on, you have to sit still," Minerva urged him gently.

"No wanna!" Doc cried.

"I found the cassette," Doomsday said, holding up the cassette tape box marked 'Doc's Brain.'

"Put the cassette into the machine," Minerva instructed as she continued to try to place the electrodes on Doc's head.

"Okay," Doomsday said, pushing the eject button on the machine and taking out the cassette containing Athena's brain to replace it with the cassette he'd found.

"No wanna!" Doc continued to cry.

"Hey, Dot!" Bugs called. "If you sit still and do what Aunt Minerva says, Unca Buzz will give you a horsey ride!"

"Horsey?" Doc sobbed softly.

"And ice cream," Doomsday promised.

"Ice cream?" Doc smiled.

"But you have to sit still for Aunt Minerva," I said.

"Okay," Doc promised, sitting still.

"You're such a good boy," Minerva smiled as she placed the electrodes on Doc's temples. Once done, she switched the wires to the output ports.

"Here goes," she said, pressing the play button.

We waited an anxious fifteen minutes, within which time I was finally able to free Bugs. At last Minerva hit the stop button.

"That should do it," she said.

We waited anxiously for some reaction from Doc, who was sitting and staring blankly ahead.

"Doc?" I asked. "How do you feel?"

Doc stood up and looked around. Suddenly he broke out singing in a high-pitched voice, "Loving you . . . is easy 'cause you're beautiful . . !"

"What is_ that?" _Bugs cried.

Minerva looked started. Quickly she hit the eject button on the machine and pulled out the cassette to look at it. "Oh no!" she gasped.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Doc was playing with the eight-track tapes and must have put a different cassette into the 'Doc's Brain' box! This is Minnie Riperton's album, 'Perfect Angel!'"

"Well, for goodness sake!" Bugs cried, "Let's find the cassette with Doc's brain! And quick, before he tries to hit the high notes!"

We all fumbled through the cassettes frantically as Doc continued to sing, "La, la, la, la, la . . . la, la, la, la, la . . . la, la, la, la la, la, la, la, la, la, la . . . doo doo doo dee doo . . . "

We all covered our ears as Doc squealed out a painfully high, "Aaaahhhhhh!!!!"

* * *

" . . . so then Minerva finally managed to restore your brain and that's what happened," I finished.

"Perfect timing, P.T.," Doomsday noted as he pulled the Big Bologna up to the curb in front of the 927th precinct.

Doc was very quiet and we all looked at him worriedly. "You okay?" Bugs asked.

"Yes," Doc answered. "It's just . . . well, it's all so hard to believe. I don't remember any of this."

"The important thing is you're back to being yourself," I noted. "And Minerva promised that she would turn her mother over to the authorities when she's old enough."

"Oh," Doc said, looking confused for a moment. Then he offered sincerely, "I really must thank you guys for going to such lengths to get my brain back."

"That's okay," Doomsday smiled. "We know you'd have done the same for us."

As we exited the Big Bologna, Sgt. Vinton was walking toward the building and stopped. "Oh here," he said, reaching into his breast pocket as he approached Doc, "I have something for you." He pulled out a lollipop and held it up in front of Doc, saying in a cutesy voice, "Would you wike a wowipop?"

Doc looked at Sgt. Vinton strangely, then leaned over to me and asked, "Are you sure she didn't steal _his_ brain as well?"

"Um, Sgt. Vinton . . . we got Doc's brain back," I explained.

"Oh," Sgt. Vinton said, looking embarrassed. He unwrapped the lollipop and popped it into his mouth, stating, "Good job, boys!" before walking into the station.

"Fellas, exactly what was I like when my brain was gone?" Doc asked suspiciously.

I coughed slightly and shuffled my feet. We hadn't bothered telling Doc all the details about his behavior during the previous twenty-four hours. "Oh well, you were . . . you were, um . . . "

"Heavy," Bugs chimed in. I elbowed him sharply in the side.

"Are you sure you're okay, Doc?" Doomsday asked. "Can we get you something to eat or anything?"

"Yeah, there's tons of leftover watercress in the C.A.P.E.R. room," Bugs offered.

"Actually, if you don't mind, I think I'd like to go over to the library and do some reading," Doc answered. "I've lost a whole day of learning and I'd like to catch up."

"Sure," I said. "We'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Doc said as he turned to leave. "Thanks again, guys!"

We stood watching as Doc walked away.

"You know, I'm kind of going to miss Dot," Doomsday sighed sadly.

"Yeah," Bugs agreed. "In a way, I feel bad that we had to give Doc his brain back. He seemed so much happier without it."

"Don't feel bad," I said. "Doc is still happy. He's happy when he's studying and he's happy when he's thinking. He's just more reserved about it is all."

"But he's so serious all the time," Doomsday noted.

"Listen, Dot is still somewhere inside of Doc," I assured them. "I'm sure we'll see him again from time to time." I looked at my watch. "Listen, I think we can go ahead and call it a day, don't you?"

Bugs and Doomsday happily agreed. Bugs helped me take my bike down from the front of the Big Bologna and we agreed it was Bugs' turn to take the van home. Bugs offered to drop Doomsday at his house on the way, so after saying goodbye I mounted the bike and rode off.

As I approached the park I saw Doc cutting across the grassy clearing on his way to the library. I slowed down when I realized he was stopping in front of the empty swing set. After a moment he looked around to see if anyone was watching, then he proceeded to walk over to one of the swings and sit down, grabbing the chains and backing up to get a good start, then lifting his legs and swinging forward.

I smiled as I started pedaling again. Oh yes . . . there was definitely still a little Dot left in Doc.

THE END


End file.
